VE JMÉNU ZDRAVÍ

Bude proveden v pořadí druhý Calhounův experiment (pro osvěžení paměti: první Calhounův experiment, provedený na kolonii myší, prokázal, že dostatek a pohodlí nevede k ráji, nýbrž k rozkladu a úpadku). Prostředí druhého experimentu bude prostorově upraveno tak, aby základní násada myší udržovala rozestupy alespoň dva metry. Myši si budou moci telefonovat, posílat textové zprávy či diskutovat na sociální síti, ovšem vzájemné přiblížení nebude možné, a to ani po podpisu vědomého souhlasu se sexuálním stykem.

Povolené budou cesty za obstaráním žrádla, a to nejkratší možnou trasou. Myš, která poruší pravidlo „z domu za žrádlem a ze žrádla domů“ a bude se po cestě kochat, bude umístěna do čtrnáctidenní karantény. Přeshraniční cesty za žrádlem budou zakázány, výjimku obdrží pouze myši s diplomatickým pasem. Jakékoli volnočasové aktivity mimo vlastní kotec budou přísně trestány vpuštěním hladové kočky. Stěžovat si na přísný režim budou moci myši tamtéž – u kočky. Vyhodnocení druhého Calhounova experimentu bude provedeno ve třech fázích.

V první fázi bude myším měřena úroveň hormonu, zodpovědného za frustraci. Ve druhé fázi bude měřena míra ztráty přirozené imunity. Ve třetí fázi bude proveden prostý součet přeživších myší. Calhounův epigon profesor Mickey předjímá výsledky:
„Zvýšená činnost limbického systému, zejména amygdaly, povede k trvale vyšší úrovni aktivizačních hormonů jako je adrenalin a noradrenalin. Myšší krev bude měnit složení do té míry, že se oběhový systém promění v hormonální řečiště, až se myši dostanou do stavu permanentní připravenosti zaútočit nebo utéct. Ruku v ruce se změnou krevního složení prořídne armáda leukocytů a současně její zdecimované zbytky ztratí kontakt s virovým a mikrobiálním světem. Protože jsou leukocyty hloupé, budou považovat nový světový řád za bezvirový a prostý mikrobů, na verandu si vytáhnou židličky a oddají se nekonečné párty. Nakonec to myším spočítají osmělené viry rýmy a ve finále budeme na prstech jedné ruky počítat my.“

Zdevastovaná kolonie myší bude nafocena a poskytnuta lidem k dalšímu vědeckému využití.

Co bychom ovšem neučinili pro naše zdraví, že“, optimisticky dodává profesor Mickey.

Příspěvek byl publikován v rubrice Chodec Optimista. Můžete si uložit jeho odkaz mezi své oblíbené záložky.

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